Sham WOW

Have you seen this commercial? Does it make you as crazy as it makes me? Do you want to grab the nearest item and hurl it at the TV each and every time it comes on?

I see this commercial EVERY night. Yes, you read that correctly. EVERY.STINKING.NIGHT. Mr. Twench and I watch the same television show every night, and each night without fail, between 6:30 and 6:45 the Sham Wow guy appears. I'm not alone in my disdain Mr. Twench usually lets out a large groan before I do. On rare occasions he's late and appears after 6:45. On these evenings at 6:46 we glance at one another almost afraid to say it. Could it be? Is it possible he has finally stopped purchasing air time? Could we be that lucky? He usually appears before we have a chance to do a victory dance around the living room. He's like a bad penny this guy, he just keeps showing up.

Here's the thing. I actually am intrigued by the product. Yes, I'm hanging my head in shame. If the product does what they claim it does, and I realize it's a far reach, it would be a great item to have around the house. Sadly, I will never find out if the product does what they say because there is no way in hell I will evah buy one. I refuse to by a product that is hawked by the idiot on the commercial.

First of all, please explain to me why he has that stupid headset on. Is he personally taking all the calls that come in to order the product? Is he so important that he can't be away from a phone for the 90 seconds that he is filming the commercial? Or is the headset some sort of microphone? Perhaps he is unaware that he doesn't have to yell at me. My television is equipped with volume control, and unlike Mr. Twench, I actually know how to use the remote control thank you very much!

The next problem is his voice. I don't know about you, but as soon as he starts talking the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I can't quite put my finger on why that is. I'll have to watch the commercial another 232 times to see if I can determine exactly what the problem is.

One of the things that bugs me the most is his used car salesman attitude. If in fact this product does all that he says it does, why does he have to push so hard? If the product is that great, word of mouth will see to it that sales rise rapidly. Every time he starts in all I can think of are those commercials of yesteryear. It slices, it dices, it chops! Guess what? I got sucked into that one many years ago and you know what? It does not slice, it does not dice, it does not chop. It mashes anything and everything to unrecognizable paste and is impossible to clean.

Last night at approximately 6:39 when, once again, the commercial appeared, we both let out the obligatory groan, looked at the clock, and said "yep, he's right on time!" As we sat there, listening to the spiel for the millionth, time I realized something. Every night,every.single.night he says the same thing. "We can't make this offer every day so call now"

THUD

Ummmmmmmm clearly that's a lie. He DOES make the offer every day and has done so for the past 6 friggin months! I admit, with great shame, that the first few times he said it I did feel a small sense of urgency. Those first few times, annoying voice aside, I actually considered purchasing the Sham Wow, and well, if I was going to purchase it anyway I wanted to get in on the great two for one deal. And clearly THAT was not an offer that could be made everyday! Liah, liah pance on fire!

I could do a few things to avoid this commerical in the future. I could find a new show to watch at 6pm, I could invest in Tivo and fast forward him into oblivion, or I could use those 90 seconds to freshen my drink or to go check on dinnah. I will do none of the above. Why you ask? I refuse to let this guy intimidate me into altering my schedule. I will continue to sit through these 90 seconds of hell each night knowing, that one day, the people of America will band together and their voices will be heard. We will let it be known that we've had enough and we are ready for change and idiot boy will no longer purchase air time. He will fade into oblivion with the rest of the infomercial floks.

It can happen! Oh yes it can.