Sometimes

I don't follow my own rules. Shocking I know.

One of my favorite rules of all times:

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

I recently ended a friendship and frankly, I should have ended the friendship long ago. The truth of the matter is, if I had followed my rule, I would have ended the friendship long ago. Yes, I'm a slow learner.

I was thinking about it last night and wondering why I allowed the relationship to continue as long as I did. Especially considering I saw things over a year ago that made me say......hmmmmmmmmmm. I think that part of it is because I really wanted to believe this person had motives that were pure of heart. I wanted to believe that sometimes people go through rough patches and it alters their behavior momentarily. I wanted to believe that this person valued our friendship as much as I once did. I wanted to believe that this person is just young and could benefit from my years of experience. I'll pause here so you can laugh. Hey, I already said I'm a slow learner. Yes, I know! You can't fix people who don't want to be fixed! I get it! Really I just get it today, tomorrow will be a crapshoot.

I didn't miss the signs that there were issues, I saw them loud and clear, the red flags were swirling all around and I simply chose to make excuses for them. I saw the endless string of bff's who came and went with nary a word said. A simple wave of the hand dismissing them. I chose to believe that this person simply chose the wrong friends. I chose to believe that in choosing me, she was choosing a good friend and as a result I would nevah get the wave of the hand dismissing me from my post. Why would she! I'm a great friend! No, really, I am.

As often as I said to mahself...hmmmm....I still tried to be a good friend because well frankly, I know that friendships are like any other type of relationship. There are ebbs and flows and there are great times and down times. There are sometimes miscommunications and you have to talk about them and resolve them. I knew early on that this was pretty much a one sided relationship in that it always had to be about her. It was all about her issues, her problems, her horrible, terrible no good day. You know the type. The type who when you say "gosh my day was terrible" she responds with "you think YOUR day was bad, listen to this" They type who when you say "my othah half ticked me off today" responds with "you think that's bad, listen to this" The type who no matter what occurs in your day or your life her's was worse. Much worse. In fact, her day/life was/is so terrible that really there isn't even any point in discussing you because well, it's all about her. Yeah, that type.

I saw it and I accepted it. I accepted it for a time that is. Then I made the cardinal mistake in this type of friendship. After an endless stream of "oh poor me. Oh my life is so hard. Oh why do these things only happen to me. Oh why do people always dump on me" I gave an honest response. Truthfully, anyone who really knows me is amazed I lasted as long as I did. I'm not really good at hairpats and oh poor you. I live by the motto: If I said it, then it needed to be said. So I gave an honest response which was basically "honey, it's time to pull up your big girl panties and deal" THUD

How dare I! How dare I diminish the tradgedy that is her life. How dare I not draw her to mah bosom and stroke her hair and say OMG you poor thing. How dare I refuse to accept any more passive/aggressive behavior. How dare I refuse to bad mouth people who were simply telling her the truth.

While I may be a slow learner at times, I'm not totally stupid. I knew the moment that I stopped accepting her behavior and spoke up, the friendship would end. I'd seen her end previous relationships for exactly the same reason. I was ok with that. I simply don't have the time to coddle people 24/7 and I have no room in my life for people who constantly look up waiting for the black cloud to explode over them.

I have no doubt that now there is a new BFF and she reflects back on our friendship proclaiming "I was a great friend and she dumped on me, and I totally didn't deserve that"



Whatevah helps you sleep at night princess.