Can an old dog learn new tricks?

My short answer is that it depends on the dawg. In this case, I'm the dawg so I'm going to go with yes, yes it can.

After taking a few weeks off and pondering the meaning of life it was clear to me that I needed a new job. Being a lady of leisure is a nice gig, but let's face facts, it doesn't pay the bills. The thought of going back to Corporate America and being stuck in an office, or worse a cubicle, for 40 hours a week was giving me heart palpitations. The thought of enduring another tax season in pantyhose, pumps and a suit made my skin crawl. That's all fine well and good but once again I kept coming back to that pesky little issue of paying the bills. It's a vicious circle this whole life thing.

As I was pondering opportunity knocked. My sister, yes the one who sometimes comments here, offered me a job. Now let me just say that my sister has offered me this job before. When we first talked about it a couple of years ago it just wasn't something I could do. I was living in my condo and those pesky mortgage people get cranky when you don't pay them. I had to have a guaranteed income and this gig doesn't provide one it's commission based.

Now it's two years later and my life has changed. It's changed to the point that I have a little more flexibility where income is concerned. Ok, not really but that's what I'm telling myself because hey, it's my life so I can spin it howevah I want. Anyhoo, my boss publishes newspapers. You know the kind, the free ones that you see in Pizza places and the Quickie Mart. How does a free paper make money you ask? Well I'll tell you. They make money by selling ads. Who knew.

Allow me to introduce mahself. My name is Twenchie and I'm in Marketing and Public Relations for the Senior Times Newspaper. Stop laughing! I can be nice to the public when I need to be! My job is to sell ads for the paper. Yes, you read that correctly I'm selling ads. Now for anyone who knows me this is funny on a couple of levels. One I've nevah sold anything in mah life and I routinely rant about telemarketers, car salespeople, hell any kind of salesperson. The other part that's amusing is that well, let's face facts, while I may be personable I'm not always nice.

When discussing the possibility of taking this job with my boss I pointed these things out. I'm sure I didn't need too because she's my sister and she knows me. Here's what she told me. "I started out selling classifieds for my local paper and look at me now. I own and publish TWO papers" It was hard to argue with that. The woman had no knowledge or training with regards to newspapers but she didn't let that stop her. She had an idea, she had a desire to make it work and god fucking love her she did. I have no doubt that it was a huge learning curve and much trial and error. She didn't let any of that stop her. She knew what she wanted, she believed in herself and she went out and did it. My sister is my hero and I want to be her when I grow up.

I decided that it was time to take a leap of faith. It was time to say "self, you can do this". I drove to the papers headquarters with my notepad in hand. "teach me, I'm ready" I said. I won't tell a lie. I left there that day with my head spinning. I mean Linda Blair kind of spinning. I couldn't remember half of what I was told and I kept thinking "OMG how the hell am I going to do this?" I pulled off the highway, hit dunkin donuts for an ice coffee and sat in the parking lot collecting myself. I thought about what I would tell someone else, a friend, my kids, a random person on the street. You know what I would tell them? "buck up and eat the cupcake"

I put the car in gear and got back on the highway headed home.

The next day was day one of mah new gig. I got up, put on a pot of coffee, fired up the computer and grabbed the database of potential clients. I was ready! Look out world here I come I'm going to sell you an ad. I set up all my folders for my e-mail, I set up all my folders for promo's I needed to keep and spreadsheets so I would know what stage each potential client was in. Somewhere around noontime I thought, well hmmm....now what. Just about the time I was thinking now what my boss sent me a promo for a Restaurant Week that's taking place during the October issue. She sent me the press release and said "go get em" "I'm on it!" I heartily replied. I printed out the names of the places participating and thought well shit this will be easy! I'll just e-mail them the promo! Ha. I'm so smart. That's when I realized there were no e-mail addresses! I had a little chat with my boss and she said "they're not going to call you yanno, pick up the phone, call them and sell an ad" Errrr.....um..........alrighty.

I grabbed my list, I grabbed my phone, I poured a fresh cup of coffee and sat down. That's when the panic set in. You know the feeling. Sweaty palms, heart racing, foot twitching. I paced around the house for a half an hour talking to myself. The cat got some exercise following me. Well I said, it's do or die so pick up the damn phone. The first one will be the hardest then it will be easy peasy. Mmmmmhmmmmmmm easy peasy.

Guess what! New problem. I finally got up the nerve to just do it and my phone reception sucked. I was talking to people, explaining the promo and trying to get an e-mail address and I couldn't hear the e-mail that was being given, and I'm supposed to be a professional so you can't just keep saying "what did you say?" I called 5 people got 2 e-mails and 3 resounding "thanks but no thanks" You know what? I wasn't discouraged I was pissed! I was pissed that after finally jumping in and doing it I didn't have the tools to do it. I had a shitty cell phone and shittier reception.

That's the moment that I realized something. I might be an old dawg but I CAN learn new tricks. I didn't throw my hands up in the air and say "I can't do this" I sat down and said "how am I going to get around this problem" The answer was easy. First I went on-line and did some research on landlines. God I love the google. Vonage. Ok, that problem was solved the landline will be up and running by Tuesday. Next problem, I'm on a deadline and I still have to connect with these restaurant people. What do we love? We LOVE the Google! Type in a restaurant name, get to their website and wah lah! Many of them have an e-mail address right there for the taking. I drafted a letter, attached the promo and in one fell swoop hit 20 places. I felt victorious. I DID it. Did I sell an ad? Well no, not yet but you know what I did do?

I was handed a task and I figured out how to do it. I solved the problems that arose while doing the task and came up with solutions to said problems. Now those of you who have worked for any length of time are shaking your heads and saying "big fucking deal I do that everyday". I would agree with you because well, I did that every day for 25 years too. And if this were a tax or accounting problem I could do it with my eyes closed. This was different. For me, this was the equivalent of someone handing me a blueprint and saying here, build this. I did build it. It's not that sturdy yet, and it's going to need some tweaks, and it's entirely possible that I used some poor quality building materials, but I did it. I built the model.

Now I will spend my day calling all of those folks who got my e-mail. Oh wait, my phone reception still sucks. S'ok, I'll drive up the street and sit in a parking lot under a cell phone tower and I'll sell, sell, sell.

Next Mr. Twench is going to teach me how to fetch.

Woof!