Day 30 - Yes, the last day

A little late but hey, cut me slack I work a lot :)

Day 30 was Saturday and although I really wasn't around a computer during the day, I was aware it was day 30 and I thought about day 30. Day 30 consisted of a 9 hour shift at Crumby's then to my house in Plaistow to meet Dino who was there shoveling the stairs and clearing the driveway so that it wouldn't freeze this week and be difficult and icy for the twenchettes. Yes, that's Dino. Always taking care of us. Then we headed to the pocket to have a bite to eat, and a few cocktails and kick back and relax, and chat with friends, and just get to be with eachother. Not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. Seeing him, at the end of the day, makes all the crap from the day disappear and just not matter. In my world that's a fabulous thing.

Somewhere between day 1 and day 7 I decided that I would have to approach my relationship with Dino, and the situation with Karen by following a simple guideline:

One second
One minute
One hour
One day at a time.

What I didn't say was that those seconds and minutes and hours would have to be re-evalutated at day 30. Living your life in the moment, and appreciating each second is a good thing. But this is life and in life it's always good to have goals and plans. That part didn't escape me. So, the past month has been comprised of

2,592,000 seconds
43,200 minutes
720 hours
30 days

I can honestly say that there were some scary seconds in those 30 days. There were also some fabulous seconds in those 30 days. There was some joy, some fear, some intrepidation, some (though very little) uncertainty, some laughter, and some tears. There was life.

And what do we have at the end of those 30 days? We have the same thing that we had on day 1, more love, aside from the love I have for my kids, than I have ever felt for another human being. I don't say that lightly. I loved my kids Dad, I loved my ex (the sequel) Dino is different. I've thought a lot about that. I wish that I could put it into words, into words that could express the depths of it, and the joy of it, and the sheer comfort of it. I don't know that I can. I don't know if you can evah adequately express that deep of an emotion. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, perhaps that is so for a reason. It's something that only the two of us really know. I mean, I know other people know love, but you can nevah really know the love between two people, it is unique to them and that is partly what makes it so incredibly special.

So, Day 30 and where are we now? At the moment I'm sitting at Dino's typing this. Wait. Let me retract that statement. I'm sitting at HOME and typing this. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm sitting at home. And there is no place that I would rather be, there is no other place that I can imagine being. It's not something I considered and did lightly. In truth, it was something I thought long and hard about. We both did.

We have a plan. Because, yanno, between the two of us we have 4 kids, 3 cats, an iquana and 2 crazy ex's. Planning is mandatory in our world :) April has been expressing a desire to be *out on her own* for a few months. It would be silly for her to go rent an apartment when I own a perfectly nice condo. That leaves the question, where does Ashley go? In a perfect world, Ashley would come with me to Dino's because she's my baby and I still have the need for her to be with me, the reality is, she has the need to be without me and become an adult just like her sister before her. So, we're going to let her stay with April and another roommate. I'll still cover the major portion of her "rent" while she is figuring out how to be an adult, and hopefully, going to cosmotology school.

The way I see it this is a good fit for everyone. The twenchettes get to learn what it is to really be an adult and live on your own, but they get the benefit of a safety net. I also get the benefit of a safety net. I still own my condo and I still get to be a mother and check on my kids and bring them care packages. Hey, what can I tell ya, its' a Mom thing, you never stop worrying about them. The past couple of weeks they've shown that they get it. They each did something that shows that little glimmer that they're ready to be on their own. Silly things. April went grocery shopping and Ashley cleaned the bathroom (giggle). It sounds silly, but it's a good thing. A very good thing. I'm not only incredibly proud of them, I'm amazed by them on a daily basis.

As for Dino and I, we don't live in a fools paradise. Karen may have been silenced and slithered back under her rock, but yanno what? There will always be something. There will be kids, and pets, and cars, and jobs and life. Yep. Life. It can be trying sometimes. Hell, let's face it, it can by trying a lot of the time. The difference now, for me, is that I know that no matter what, I don't have to face those times alone. Even the most difficult times are much easier when someone has your back. Dino has my back and he always will. I knew that on Day 1 and I still know it on day 30.

Over the course of the past month, I thought about day 30 more than once. I started composing posts in my head. Different days led to different posts depending on what was going on in that second, or that minute, or that hour. Now, sitting here, and writing the day 30 post, one thing is amazingly clear to me. It all comes back to one thing. I love this man with all my heart and I have no doubt that he loves me as well. And at the end of the day that's all that really matters.

The numbers will stop now. I'll revert back to titles, and weekly rants (because you know me, I can always find something to rant about), one thing will not change. Living my life one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time will continue. Why? Because in the past 30 days I've learned something, life can change at any given second and that makes it all the more important to cherish each and every second.

It's coming...

:) The Day 30 post. Oh c'mon, you knew it would be 30 days.

Crazy busy working like a nut. I haven't had time to breath much less give a 30 day post the time it deserves. But it shall be written soon.